More discussion of babies and bathwater

Laurie: Paul, I envy you the cleanness of your conversion....I'm not sure envy is the right word, but I think you'll get what I mean.

I started off Lutheran. I mean that's the denomination with which my mother affiliated us, and those were the schools I went to growing up. That's the religion I was told I was, and I never questioned that. I memorized the Apostles and Nicene Creeds, the Ten Commandments, the 23rd Psalm, John 3:16 and Romans 6:23, most of the Lutheran Liturgy and likely every hymn penned by Martin Luther himself. I believed every word. I mean I never doubted that mine, Christianity, was the right religion. Then, at age 17, I got converted to a different brand of Christianity, Word of Faith Pentecostalism. They said my Lutheran church was a "dead denomination". My new brand was "spirit-filled" - "alive". They showed me how to speak in tongues, how to speak faith (and whatever else I thought I was entitled to as a child of the King) into existence through repetition of promises from the Bible, how to nit-pick the sins, demons and stumbling blocks which blocked the power of the spoken Word of God from fulfilling the promises I'd been claiming. If my prayers weren't answered, or the promises people prophecied over me, or the things I'd been claiming by faith didn't come to pass - or if bad things happened to me - I was to blame. It was either my failure to keep my faith properly built up, or I'd let the devil in some how, some way. I learned, thank you very much TBN, that if you played the devil's music backwards it would sound exactly like Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven, and the Eagles, Hotel California, too. If TBN had heard of Parliament and Earth Wind and Fire, they'd have assured me that was of the devil too. Wait a minute...now that I mention it, I'm pretty sure they did mention Earth Wind and Fire, since their most recent album of the time was covered with ancient Egyptian symbols - but I know they'd never heard of funk. Anyway, all secular music was a potential demon portal.

Paul: And here all these years I thought that was Arnold Schoenberg's music.

Laurie: Perhaps you should hyper-link Arnold Schoenberg. So I can find out who he is.

Paul: Yeah, you see, you think you want me to do that right now, but... Oh, all right. It'll make an appropriate soundtrack for people to listen to as they read what you're about to say. But I'm also going to link to this science story which talks about how Schoenberg and his types are part of why no one can (or does) listen to modern classical.

Laurie: Anyway, thousands of dollars worth of vinyl went out with the Tuesday trash. I'd have set fire to it, but I was afraid to hear the demons' shrieking which I'd heard sometimes accompanied such burnings....No doubt there were a few records that deserved that treatment, maybe there were a couple of Osmond records left in that collection, but otherwise, well, I feel ill at the memory of such ridiculous waste.

My mother fell into the same brand of church as I did, just a few months after me, though I had nothing to do with it. Her demon portals were frogs, owls, wine coolers and colas. There were no doubt more, but those are the ones I can remember. She had the cutest collection of kitchen canisters with the cutest, happiest little frogs on them, and nifty '70's macrame owl art, all of which she learned were satanic symbols, all of which had to go. Allowing such things in the house was like hanging a welcome sign to the devil.

Paul: Before you go on, why are frogs and owls evil? Says who and where are they getting their information? I get the wine cooler thing.

Laurie: Hmmm, well, you're getting this from me three decades later, and at least third hand, but as I recall the frog thing had to do with Rev. 16:13: "And I saw three unclean spirits like frogs come out of the mouth of the dragon, and out of the mouth of the beast, and out of the mouth of the false prophet." As for owls, I really don't know, except maybe because it's nocturnal, and one of those critters, like black cats, that is sometimes associated with Halloween. The thing is, once my mom heard such a suggestion, she could no longer rest. The superstition and fear associated with these belief systems can be pretty powerful.

Paul: Clearly.

Laurie:  So, together, or at least in parallel fashion, Mom and I were learning about the Rapture, the Anti-Christ, the great Tribulation (remembering to always keep them in that order), Christian bookstores, Ken Copeland, TBN, Christian music, prophecy, word curses, a 6000 year old earth, the power of the spoken word, the threat of secular humanism, the "new age movement", and myriad forms of legalism. My mother was already a Republican, and so was I, again, by association, so we did not have any adjustments to make there. "Our" politics were permitted to remain intact. In short, we were indoctrinated to the Christian sub-culture, or at least one corner of it. I can't speak for my mother's heart back then, but I can definitely say for myself that, other than the trappings, I was the same person; nothing had changed for me, except the rules. I was not kinder, gentler, more patient. I was not holier, although I was "holier than thou".

Paul: I think one of the more disturbing elements that I run across so often in Christianity is when Christians tell other Christians that they shouldn't look at, listen to or associate with anything that isn't specifically in their official Christian idiom. "Look for the Christian label." Usually this is the sort of thing one hears especially from more cultic circles ("don't listen to anyone else's interpretations") which kind of amazes me that any vestiges of that mindset remain in more solid Christian circles. I mean, the whole phenomenon of "throwing away all of your secular music" at conversion is a manifestation of this same separationism. I know from personal experience that when I would bring a book with me to church, some people would expect an explanation when I wasn't reading something from the Christian bookstore. Especially if I were reading Christopher Hitchens or Nietzsche or something distinctly anti-Christian (not that that would stop me, mind you.)

Laurie: Exactly, and nothing ever has stopped you, thank God.

Truth is, I don't remember how I learned these rules. It wasn't as if someone sat me down and gave me the lecture. You pick up on it piece-meal - in sermons, passages in assorted books, and disapproving looks. Always having been both a reader and (until about 5 years ago) a TV watcher, I'm sure I picked up most of it in the Christian bookstore, and through TBN. You'll gather here, that I've yet to mention having learned a whit of this from the Bible - though there are verses used here and there to back all of this up - verses like 1 John 2:15, "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him." But the problem is, these Scriptures would be used so selectively as to render them meaningless. I mean, how is it you can preach that verse to mean I ought not have a glass of wine, or listen to secular music, but out of the other side of your mouth preach that God's people where meant to be healthy and wealthy, and that it's a better witness to outsiders if you have a BMW than a beat up Pontiac?

But, back to my little narrative: I had acquired a set of rules which made me feel quite spiritual and secretly a bit superior, but only for as long as I could keep them. I was exactly the same person as I'd been before, and it was only a matter of time before the excitement over being able to speak in tongues, and my new "discoveries" waned and began to be crowded out by my old excitements. You know there are a lot of great big plot points I'm skipping here. Along with all this, I witnessed a lot of garbage being done in the name of Christ, which I, even in the pathetic spiritual condition I was in, sensed was wrong as wrong could be. I gave up on church for years, went wild, got in a boatload of trouble which left me as a single young mother deciding that if I wanted life to go better for me I should start trying to "live like a Christian" again. So, first thing I do, besides going to church again, was...wait for it....I sold all the records I'd accumulated during my waywardness. Good-bye Billy Idol (everybody knows that the FFF acronym of, Flesh For Fantasy, really stands for 666); good-bye Cult (too obvious); good-bye Tears for Fears (they were into psychology); good-bye Smiths (vegetarians); good-bye Love and Rockets (spiritual sounding stuff I didn't know the meaning of); good-bye Prince (need I explain?)....

Paul: And I bet they were on vinyl too! We could have paid off our mortgages with some of those.

Laurie: Yes, vinyl....and all in protective plastic sleeves...

...and there was a lot more...some of which, admittedly I still would not listen to today - I hardly listen to music anymore anyway - but which I might get a kick out of looking at from time to time.

And, again, I was still the same person, trying again to live by the Christian rules, thinking that is what it means to be a Christian. During that particular iteration, someone gave me a book. I don't remember who gave it to me, but I remember the book. It was called "Grace Plus Nothing". It's message was that God's grace was sufficient to save us. Our works did not gain us favor. I only read far enough to get that point and threw it away thinking, "What a load of crap?" At this point in my life, following rules seemed easier.

Paul: Easier than free, undeserved grace?

Laurie: Maybe "easier" isn't quite what I meant. More like sensible, logical. I mean nobody gets something for nothing, right? You have to at least try to repay the debt, right? God forgives those who try real hard....What's that verse in the Bible? Oh, yeah, "God helps those who help themselves!" What?

Okay, that's Ben Franklin.  But he was an American, so that must mean he's a Christian, right?

So, where was I? Okay, 1992, I had little kids after all; my wild days were over. But then I fell into a different kind of legalism - the kind that goes through the Bible verse by verse converting everything in sight into a system of rules, really spiritual rules. On top of the rest, now I was supposed to not lust in my heart, always make the best choices, listen for the "voice of God" in every decision, "avoid every appearance of evil" which I was told meant, whatever anyone else could construe my actions to mean. So, for instance, I was not supposed to wash my boyfriend's laundry - because someone might find out about it and think we were having sex. I'm not making this up. I began to be overwhelmed with guilt. I couldn't even look at my Bible without a sense of dread. So I put it away until I was 40 years old - a whole marriage and divorce later.

But here's the thing, all those years, I thought the people who were able to pull off the "Christian life" were able to do it because they were good Christians. Now, don't get me wrong, some of them were, but what I later found out was that an awful lot of them were just, for whatever reason, a whole lot better at following rules. A lot of them just did well with that lifestyle. I, on the other hand, could never pull it off. And then it happened. At the age of 40 I really got saved. I really realized I was hopelessly lost in sin, that I really needed a Savior. But it wasn't just that, I realized, for the first time in my life that God was kind and loving, and that He really loved me. Suddenly, for the first time in my life I loved God. I was really a Christian - or at least I desperately wanted to be. I wanted to love God like that all my days, and die trusting Him and spend forever with Him. I didn't want to waste any more of my life, not one minute of it. So guess what I almost immediately did....nope, I didn't get rid of my music (that was one thing I wasn't going to do again); I got rid of hundreds of books. Now, understand, there were some things in my life that really did need to go, like the almost 12-pack of Bud Light I drank every night after work, and the Marlboros I smoked like a chimney....but books?! I didn't just get rid of the junky novels, but classics too, just because they weren't "Christian". It wasn't long before what had started as joyful love for God began subtly morphing into legalism. I didn't feel it happening, because it felt so good, at least for a while....I never have been any good at following a system.

And then you came along, Paul.

Paul: Yes, and I was getting saved at about the same time you were. I didn't get rid of almost anything, although I had years of awkward experiences with fellow Christians. And to this day most of my closest friends are not Christians.

The thing about me and Christianity is that I would not by any means be a Christian were it not for one thing: The Gospel. I am fully convinced of The Gospel. If I weren't, there is no way I would be a Christian. I would probably be a Buddhist or one of the neo-Atheists. One of the silly ones with with Flying Spaghetti Monster fish on their cars. The Christian accessories hold no attraction for me and, at the risk of getting more hate mail, the official Christian political party doesn't strike me as having particularly Christian attitudes.

The Gospel is the only thing keeping me a Christian. 

Laurie: And that is what I meant by the "cleanness" of your conversion. Because of the Gospel alone you became a Christian, and because of it you remain one.

Paul: Which seems a little strange to me as what you're talking about, what you're saying is "the cleanness" of my conversion, is probably the thing about me that I receive the most consistent criticism for in Christian circles.

Laurie:  Which is what exactly?

Paul:  Which is that I'm out of costume, character, uniform, whatever. 

Laurie:  Yeah, and that's a really, really sad thing.

But the truth is, it's the same for me, and for anyone else who is truly a follower of Christ - I mean that the Gospel and the Gospel alone is why we are what we are; but the purity of faith in Christ can get so cluttered up and so quickly confused with all the extra stuff we are taught to attach to it, or by the stuff we hope to gain by it. We end up putting on the "uniform" because it's what's expected, and then it becomes all about keeping up the appearance of the uniform, which was never required in the first place, and what's underneath gets forgotten. I guess it shouldn't come as such a surprise really. As long as there has been a Gospel, there have been people eager to pervert it with rules and regulations and use it to temporal advantage. As the apostle Paul said in his letter to the young church at Galatia:

"I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting him who called you in the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel - not that there is another one, but there are some who trouble you and want to distort the gospel of Christ...." (Gal.1:6-7)

When I really began to get to know you well, Paul, I actually had some concerns about you, about your lack of legalism - although I wouldn't have put it that way. I thought of it more as a lack of spirituality. I'd see your Grateful Dead t-shirts, your CD's, and videos, and all those books you love so much. Very few of these things bore the Christian label. And, for Pete's sake, you aren't even a Republican!

Paul:  No, I'm registered with the Peace and Freedom Party if anyone wants to know. They've run a Black Panther, a socialist economist, and Dr. Benjamin Spock as presidential candidates before.

Laurie: Well, fortunately for you (I guess) you hadn't gone that far when I was getting to know you. You were just a Democrat (just! haha!) I wasn't really sure it was possible to be a real Christian and not be a Republican until I got to know you. I also had a hard time understanding how you live a life so free of guilt (as if guilt were the sign of a true Christian). I'd been guilty of thinking that feeling guilty is the necessary penance for sin - that the more guilt-stricken I felt, the more repentant I was. When I didn't see you walking around feeling guilty over every imperfection I was puzzled. But the more I knew you, the more I realized that your faith was real and true -  that you were freer of guile or hypocrisy than anyone I've known.

Paul: Well, the guilt manifested in acute regret before you and I were a couple, which I came to understand was unhelpful.  With Christ's imputed righteousness, I'm free in God's Grace.  Also, a much more helpful goal for me has been aspiring Godward rather than feeling guilt and shame over my blazing, glaring missteps on the road to sanctification.    

Laurie:  You are a Christian because of Christ alone. You remain a Christian because of Christ alone. Your faith in Christ lends grace and beauty to the rest of your life. You live a holy life, but it's nothing like what I thought a holy life was supposed to look like. You, my husband, are a friend of sinners. Imagine that- a Christian who's a friend of sinners!

Paul:  That's very kind of you, but I assure everyone out there that I occasionally have bad manners as well.  There's nothing good about me outside of the grace of God and the wife He's given me.