Peace or Politics (pick one)

"But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace." James 3:17-18

Laurie: We're living in tough times. By "we" I mean "WE" as in "We are the world," "we" as in "we here in America," and "we" as in Paul and Laurie Mathers. We are all living our way through the Great Recession as we speak. Some of us are feeling it more than others. Some of us will be left with stories to tell our grandkids not unlike the ones my mom used to tell - but not really like them either. I'm not leaving my piano and silver on the side of the road on my way to California. I'm in California, in a house with food in the refrigerator in spite of the hard fact of my husband's unwelcome unemployment status. One of the best things to come from the Great Depression was the invention of safety nets. Unemployment benefits are one of those nets for which we are ever so thankful at the moment.

But I don't really want to talk about how much the government should or should not be involved in such things. What I have in mind is what ensues whenever someone does bring up that subject - the subject of government. In "These Tough Economic Times" it seems everyone is looking for someone to blame, which translates: it's the other political party's fault. Whichever party we are not a party to is to blame and we hate them for it. And on top of that we find that we are all part of a system which, if we are going to get any problem solved, requires us either to wait for the next election, or to work together with our political rivals in order to try and straighten things out now - which, if things are really bad, you would hope, for the sake of those who are hurting, we would be able to do. But, it's this last thing which we are very bad at. We are stubborn, independent-minded folks with heels calloused from the digging. We are perfectly capable of becoming so engaged in political tugs-of-war that we are blindly trampling the very people who are already being hurt the most.

Paul: Yes. Up to a few years ago I had a strict policy of avoiding the topic of politics altogether. As you may well imagine, this lead to years of peace, but there was a cost. So often I would find myself in the company of someone spouting opinions that I found completely objectionable and, even worse, by my silence they would assume I was in agreement. This is why it's necessary to talk about politics. First of all, we are civic creatures. Second, we have to look at ourselves in the mirror in the morning.  A person of integrity cannot give assent by being silent. However, if I understand the direction we'll be steering this topic, I believe one can have peace, integrity, and possibly be a force of influence for good in the world even in this sphere. I mean, you and I have total peace in our home over political matters.

Laurie: Well, yes, we do. And, as you know, I share your discomforts over political discussions. I, too, often find myself in disagreement with my friends over such matters, and because my friends are so precious to me I usually choose to remain silent in order to keep them. I've learned through painful experience that people are oft inclined to ditch friendships in favor of political alliances (or should I say, to confuse political alliance with friendship?) So, like you, I'm often torn by the love I have for my friends and that little matter of integrity which you bring up.

And so you do bring me back to my point. What I really want to talk about is getting along, for the sake of love, with those we don't agree with. We rarely discuss this publicly, but Paul and I are members of different political parties. In spite of this, we discuss politics quite regularly and, to my recollection, have never had a single argument over the subject. Why? Because I understand his viewpoints about as completely as I can without actually crawling up inside his skull. I understand why he holds them, what logic is behind them, and what a great and Christian heart it is which leads him to feel the way he does.Yet, I don't agree with him. Or, perhaps I should put it this way: I agree with him in theory, but don't think his ideals are practicable.

Paul:  Well, I'm under no illusions about the unlikelihood of a Utopia, but I am compelled by my integrity to hold my ideals nonetheless.

Laurie::  Yes, and I even envision your Utopia as you describe it, and admire it (regardless that I think it can never be), and respect your viewpoint as a result. And, in like manner, you respect my views, though when we disagree you are not shy to tell me so, and why. During the years of our marriage you have even managed to influence me somewhat to moderate some of my positions. I'm not sure I've ever gotten you to moderate any of yours though. But perhaps you are better qualified to comment on that.
  
Paul:  I think circumstance and our walk together has dictated some changes of course for both of us. As far as speaking to one another about the issues, I've found that it's not difficult to maintain peace while speaking about issues we have different views on. First, I think it's wise for anyone to come to the realization that they do not have all of the answers. I know from thirty-three years of experience two important points that I do well to keep in front of my eyes: 1) I am often wrong and 2) I often feel completely differently on issues five years in the future given experience, circumstances, and gaining a larger sphere of acquaintances.

So, I find conversations go better if I can maintain a level of humility and respect, remembering that another, fully equal human being is speaking to me. I can remove terms like "Clearly", "Everybody knows that..." or "Even a child could tell you." That sort of thing. Instead, I replace them with the more honest "So often I have found that..." "I've noticed that..." or the wonderful "In my opinion."  Another good one when disagreeing with what is being said is: "That may be the case when it's 'such and such,' but in this case I find that..."

Why do we want to do this? Well, as I said, so often I have found that I am not always right, so I don't want to presume upon it. Also, people can sometimes offer points of view I hadn't considered.  But more importantly, I would much rather have peace and fellowship than to be 'right' all the time.

Laurie: And peace begins at home.

If we could all learn to put people above politics we'd have gone a long way to solving all our problems. We'd then remember that we are all in this boat, sinking or floating, together. What we do to others we end up doing to ourselves. Our fates, like it or not, are intertwined with one another's and with the measure with which we measure it will be measured back again to us. Nowhere is this more quickly evidenced and quickly learned than in the home. And there is no better place to practice, because who you are at home is who you are.

"If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself,' you are doing well." James 2:8

There is no better way to measure the respect and love with which we treat others than by this "royal law". How do I like it when no one listens when I speak? How do I like it when no one even tries to understand where I'm coming from? How does it make me feel when someone listens only with a mind to proving me wrong, rather than to gain true understanding? How do I like getting pat answers for my painful and most probing questions? How do I like my very real problems dismissed by someone's high-minded platitudes, telling me to "be warmed and fed" while refusing me food and clothing? How do I like my very real pains dismissed as unimportant, or my opinions as having no value? How do I like it when I speak to someone condescendingly and try cover it with a smile? How do I like it when I'm treated like an idiot simply for not agreeing with someone?

I'll tell you how I like it: I hate it! And I've determined to make this my guide. Love doesn't treat people in ways it hates to be treated. Our marriage is a little microcosm of our world. We our in our little life raft together. We do well not to sink it and we do even better than that when we learn to row together and make forward progress.

Paul:  Even a child could tell you this saying of Jesus', "And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them."

You mentioned before that peace begins in the home, which I absolutely find to be true.  It put me in mind of something you often say about how you treat your loved ones in the privacy of your own home is who you are. Or words to that effect.

It reminds me also of that Dave Barry quote we both reposted this week "A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person."

Or, as Christ put it, "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks."  I don't want to be a mocker or one who disregards others, or arrogant, so it would behoove me to guard against falling into those dark places no matter where I find myself in my dialectical life.

Laurie: Paul, what you seem to do almost instinctually I've had to be taught, but it's been, in a certain sense, one of the most freeing things I've learned. In another sense it's been unsettling. Learning to listen and understand the viewpoints of others helps me care for them as humans, not just labels. It helps me remember they are who they are for lots of reasons and all of those reasons seem like really good ones to them. It teaches me respect for them. It frees me to love them for the imperfect struggling souls that they are. It shows me that they are more like me than I ever dreamed. But it's also unsettling in a number of levels. Sometimes what a person opens up when they explain themselves is a world of darkness, fear, and malevolence. Other times they reveal my own darkness, that I've been wrong, or, if not entirely wrong, unkind or insensitive. Sometimes I find things aren't as black and white as I liked to think and that the real situation is as uncomfortable as shade of grey as grey can be.

Paul:  All of which are true and, I would add, all of which are people and situations which we need to approach with love, respect, compassion, and with regard to them as our equals.


Laurie: Exactly.

And one last thing comes to mind. As the saying goes, "as iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens his friend." So when succeed in silencing our friends who disagree with us we may very well be removing the very friction needed to sharpen us into more useful instruments in this world.